Test Kitchen – The Vegan Zombie’s Seitan Recipe

| 09/13/2014 | Reply

We Review Vegan Zombie’s Seitan Recipe

Well this week I was sent a link to a really funny guy who does a cooking show on You Tube — “Cooking With the Vegan Zombie.” What a cute little schtick! He even has a theme song. lol. He makes it more interesting than just a plain cooking show by presenting the idea that he must hurry up and cook something to eat because there will soon be a zombie apocalypse. There is also a lot of adult humor and sexual innuendo. Eye roll. Such a guy!

Anyway, the recipe I tried was one of his early ones, broadcast number two to be exact, where he made a basic seitan. I really like seitan so I was all over it to see what he did differently. The ingredients for our seitan recipe are pretty similar, but he baked his in the oven  in patties, whereas I cook mine on the stovetop (boiled or steamed), and in much smaller pieces or rolls for slicing.  I mean, these were four of the biggest, honking, man sized patties of seitan I’ve ever seen. They were like brown heavy Frisbees or something.


The Vegan Zombie Seitan recipe

Seriously, I could only eat about 3/4 of mine and that was pushing it. I was stuffed after and gave the rest away to someone at the table looking hungry.

The Vegan Zombie seitan recipe


Test Kitchen Recipe Ranking

Recipe review 7 out of 10












Actually it’s more like 7.5-8 forks, but I didn’t feel like redoing the graphic.

side eye baby

Before every bite I gave my plate the side eye, same look as this little guy.

The things I liked about this seitan recipe: The texture was nice and meaty, scarily reminiscent of cubed steak. The taste was really good as well.

What I didn’t like about this seitan recipe was the fact that I had to burn my oven for two hours to cook four patties of seitan. Are you frickin kidding me? Whatever money I saved from making the seitan at home was just burned up in electricity!

Sorry fella, but this is not an energy efficient way to cook unless we quadruple the recipe and have two or three pans of the stuff going at the same time. I also wasn’t a fan of those big ole hunks of onion staring back at me.  Might not bother someone else, but before every bite I gave my plate the side eye, same expression this little guy has.

My suggestions if you decide to try this recipe yourself:

  1. Use a food processor and mince the garlic and onion in with the other wet ingredients so you don’t actually SEE chunks. Of course that onion hunk persnickityness might just be me; but since I’m running the Test Kitchen – my review, my rules.
  2. Double or even triple the recipe to make more than one pan full, and freeze some so you get full value for your energy costs. Not sure about where you are, but here in the San Francisco Bay Area burning the oven for two hours at 350 costs big bucks. As my brother says “PG&E bills are high as a giraffe’s ass!”
  3. Make the patties smaller (at least 6 of them, possibly even 8). That way the smaller appetites eat one and the larger appetites can have two or even three without it being a big deal.
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Category: Entrees, The Test Kitchen

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